Tea at Trianon: Toxic Fathers Can Cause Serious Damage

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Toxic Fathers Can Cause Serious Damage

So can toxic mothers. And here we are not talking about fathers being authoritative and firm in their guidance and discipline but excessive harshness and even abandonment. From ReachOutRecovery:

Since human brains are wired to love and admire our parents, it is difficult to see or accept a father with no conscience or empathy. Their inconsistencies fool us, making their manipulation difficult to spot and as a child, we cannot identify “abusive” behavior because it’s our normal. So how do these men sabotage their daughters?

These fathers devalue emotion. They resent and pathologize a child’s normal dependency as selfish or defiant. Their girls soon believe they will never be good enough to be loved or accepted as they are and that love is conditional.
Toxic parents use financial manipulation to control their children, whether by giving lavish gifts or withholding money.
They physically and emotionally abandon their kids when they are most needed. When they are busy, they can’t be bothered with any crisis involving a child that does not give them narcissistic supply. At times, they feel their children deserve their suffering and relish it.
They normalize abuse and rage in the home by declaring, “If you hadn’t made me mad, I wouldn’t have screamed, hit or ______ you.”
They will only show up as a parent if it makes them look or feel good; then, gaslight the child to undermine their perceptions through lies.
They will often exploit their children to be their confidants, therapists, friends, or whatever else they need.
They will scapegoat or play favorites to control their children.
They will use triangulation and smear campaigns to alienate their children’s relationships with other family members and social circles to control the narrative presented to the outside world.
They will reward the children who agree with them and punish those who don’t. Since they are vindicative, they will go to great lengths to harm anyone who exposes their behavior.
(Read more.)