The April weather in the Irish west was astonishing this year, for a
while. Two whole weeks of unseasonal heat brought the land out from the
finalities of winter. True, the frost still came at night, but by the
afternoon I was digging the garden with my top off. Everything on our
land awoke. Our field, in which we planted 800 trees nearly a decade ago
and which is now becoming a forest, hums with insects heading for the
poplar blossom and the whitethorn. The pond is full of frogspawn and the
soil is warming. Crocus and cowslip defeat the couch grass in their
quest for the light. Sparrows gather moss and straw, the hazel poles are
budding. We have set up a beehive in a grove by the hedgerow, and now
we wait in the hope that some worker will seek it out and beckon the
swarm to follow.
But ask the animals, and they
will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or
speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea
inform you.
As the land has sung itself back
into life, it is as if I have awakened too from some numbness that
overcame me. It was not simply the numbness of winter. For a while, I
have felt closed off from my land; somehow an alien as I walked through
it. Maybe I was reading too much theology. I always knew that the Holy
Spirit sung itself through bud and blossom, but knowledge is not
experience. Back in the day, when I was a pagan and a pantheist, I felt
the force of nature as an overwhelming power within me. Then I became a
Christian, and something retreated.
What was it?
I
wondered this, and I concluded that I had misdirected my worship. I had
worshipped the trees rather than their creator. I think that this was a
category error; still, I missed the feeling it gave me. I missed the
sense that the trees were my sisters and the birds my brothers. Those
who have never felt this may call it ‘pagan’, as if that meant anything,
but they would be wrong. It is not ‘pagan’ to feel, as Adam did, as Eve
did, that this place was created to be our home. That we were intended
to be at one with it before we broke away and began instead to worship
ourselves.
The heavens declare the glory of God; the sky proclaims the work of his hands. Daily they speak, they never become silent.
Something
has happened to me this Easter, though; that old feeling has come back.
Now I walk through my growing forest and I feel again that green force
that I once felt, and I am overjoyed because I missed it. Is it
different now? Yes, and no. I feel the land breathe within me and to me,
I see that everything here has its own life, I feel the inscape of it
all, but now I feel something beyond it too; something that made it,
that sings it every hour, though for this force there is no time. (Read more.)