Tea at Trianon: Courtship Rituals

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Courtship Rituals

From Ross Arlen Tieken:

One of the great generators of loneliness in my immediate circle of students is the lack of careful, public, and social courtship rituals. Even the most well-meaning of junior high boys, even if charged with virtue and self-discipline, is mostly unable to control himself alone with a girl, or prevent themselves from grotesque and inept pawing in an environment that simply accepts public displays of erotically-charged affection from pubescent young people.
Besides being revolting, the young lovers tend to go too far too quickly, and having achieved the cheap imitation of intimacy, they find themselves rightly disappointed and hurt, and yet longing desperately for more. Bitterness colors their experience, and love, eros, longing, and the opposite sex are cast in their eyes as a tragedy, an insupportable burden. The option then is overindulgence or cynicism.
This is not their fault obviously. When our children suddenly bloom into adulthood, they are meant to be given proper forms which establish the appropriate behavior for courtship. At 13, you talk with them (not on the phone, not over text, not over Snapchat… ever). At 14, you may talk and walk with them. At 15, you may spend time together in the company of family and friends. At 16, you may go on a chaperoned date and a dance. Etc.
Instead of this careful circling of each other, which allows genuine regard and understanding to grow, increases respect for boundaries and personhood, preserves the mystery of the body, socially establishes a couple, and beautifies the story of love, we simply toss teens in the back of the bus with a bluetooth speaker, give them an anonymous line of visual communication, and hope that our teaching will preserve their innocence. (Read more.)