Tea at Trianon: Argue For The Third Person In The Room

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Argue For The Third Person In The Room

From Jan Greenhawk at The Easton Gazette:

Truth is, the person who shouts insults at you for your beliefs is probably not the one who will see your side of the issue. It happens to me all the time, you start a conversation and share facts and before you know it the other person is screaming "You're a hater! You are a racist! You are a misogynist! (even though I'm a woman). No meeting of the minds happened.
Except that there is another person in the conversation. That is the third person in the room. This third person is the moderate, the undecided, the person who is not quite sure what is happening and how they feel about it.
That person is listening. And, while they might be a little nervous about the rising tension, they are also paying attention to what is being said and the truth and rationale behind it. That person might be interested in your views if you state them clearly, calmly and factually. You might even get them to agree with you.
This is what happened when we used to have these discussions. A friend of mine told me once that part of the problem with people nowadays is that we have avoided conversations regarding politics and religion. That has kept us from arguing things out and either agreeing to disagree or coming to common understanding. What's left is a bunch of super sensitive children who run and hide every time they hear or read something they don't like. Or they scream insults to make the other person feel bad and go away.
Advice?
Have these political and religious discussions when you can. Stay calm and state your ideas and supporting facts. If the other person loses their mind, allow them to lose it. It wasn't that much use to them anyway. Besides, that third person watching might learn something. (Read more.)