Tea at Trianon: Parenting In Three Phases

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Monday, November 3, 2025

Parenting In Three Phases

From Lane Scott at Matriarch Goals:

One of the most difficult things about early childhood is the constant feeling that it’s all going by too quickly, it’s the cutest the kids will ever be, you’ll miss it desperately when it’s all over, and also it’s impossible and you cannot wait until they grow out of it. All of these things are true, and as far as I can see, there is no way to wrestle yourself out of any one of these feelings.
The years you have small children in your home are unlike any other time: they bring more charm but also more bodily suffering than any other phase. The biggest temptation of this phase is to lean waaaaaaaay out and outsource as much of the childcare as possible, simply because it is so exhausting, and you have no idea what you’re doing. The second temptation of this phase is to begin all the schooling and intellectual development that is really proper to middle childhood early, putting them in school as soon as possible, racing through preschool curriculum like a Tiger Mom, and giving every advantage so that they don’t “fall behind.”
Assuming you have your marriage together and a safe home to live in, with food and necessities for survival, the most important thing to secure in the early years is a rough concept of home, or real home life, with the children at the center of home activities.
I do not mean your life should be child-centric, or ordered to the wants of the children. There is a subtle distinction between ordering a household to serve the selfish desires and random impulses of a small child vs. setting up a household to serve the child’s best interests, as judged and ordered by the parents.
From ages 0-5, the child’s best interests are stability, safety, and freedom enough to move around within the confines of the house. As babies turn to toddlers their sphere of freedom can expand to the outside of the house, and by the time they are entering middle childhood they have both the mobile dexterity to handle their physical environment and also, and most importantly, the discipline to move around safely and with some awareness of the existence of others. A big caveat: do not make the mistake of allowing the baby to believe she can walk wherever she wants and get into whatever she pleases as soon as she is mobile. The goal is to eventually open up the entire world to the child’s wandering ways, but when a baby is first learning to walk you’ll make yourself crazy if you do not provide physical boundaries for her safety and your sanity, as well as teach the child to check in with you before venturing beyond her everyday space. (Read more.)