Tea at Trianon: Is ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ The Most Objectionable James Bond Picture?

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, December 16, 2021

Is ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ The Most Objectionable James Bond Picture?

I was never a big James Bond fan, although I really loved Sean Connery as well as some of the songs from some of the films. This article is hilarious albeit a tad coarse in some places. The names of the characters in the films and books are really a hoot. People forget that Ian Fleming, the author of the Bond novels, also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. From The Decider:

In real life, in the United States of America these days, it’s a possibly open question as to whether one even needs a license to kill in order to get away with at least, um, homicide. But never mind that. The whole point is, regardless of the fact that Bond’s efforts are in the service of King (or Queen) and Country, he embodies a corrupt fantasy. He is inherently a Problematic.

Which leads to the question: Which of the Bond movies is the most Problematic?

In my book it’s long been Diamonds are Forever. A little backstory: Connery had left the Bond series after 1967’s You Only Live Twice. Which, speaking of problematic, featured Bond going “undercover” as a Japanese man, complete with makeup and hairpiece. 1969’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service featured Australian George Lazenby as Bond, and while for many years Lazenby was a late-night punchline, signifying The Bond Who Failed, Service is now recognized as a cracking good installment in the series. And it is paid significant and almost persistent homage in No Time To Die, right down to the music under the closing credits. At any rate, the film was initially a box-office disappointment, but the producers wanted to stick with Lazenby, but he himself did not re-enlist. On the advice of his agent, apparently. Who gave bad advice.

So producers Albert “Cubby” Broccoli and Harry Saltzman lured Connery back. Adapting the fourth Bond novel, from way back in 1956, they added tyro screenwriter Tom Mankiewicz to bolster the reliable structure sense of regular screen scenarist Richard Maibaum. And yes, Tom was from that family, the son of Joseph. Tom himself once observed “There was something terribly frightening about writing a screenplay when you have the last name of Mankiewicz. You say to yourself, ‘Oh, sh*t, no matter what I write, it sure ain’t any All About Eve, is it.” Action comedies became this Markiewicz’s niche.

Directed with not-quite-furious dispatch by Guy Hamilton, Diamonds — which celebrates its 50th anniversary this month — does a major reset from Service. This James Bond doesn’t cry or mourn. He’s first depicted in ruthless pursuit of master villain Blofeld. Who’s here played by Charles Gray, who, to confuse matters for cinematic universe connoisseurs, played a friendly (and doomed) contact for Bond in You Only Live Twice. (Read more.)