Tea at Trianon: The Habits of Successful Conversationalists

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Habits of Successful Conversationalists

From Seton Magazine:

Blessed Cardinal Newman defines the conduct of a gentleman as the good judgment of avoiding inappropriate subjects or provoking unproductive arguments: “He guards against unseasonable allusions, or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation, and never wearisome.”

The gentleman avoids confrontations in social situations and “shrinks from what are called scenes” to make the occasion pleasant and harmonious for all in attendance, and in his choice of words “he is one who never inflicts pain,” always conscious of the obligation never to “cause a jar or jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast” by some insensitive comment or reference to some embarrassment in the past.

The art of living, then, recognizes the power, grace, and beauty of words to do good, to win hearts, and to civilize human life. Like music, art, and beauty, words too adorn, ennoble, and enrich human existence. Proper forms of address, appreciative compliments, cheerful conversation, and good taste in the choice of words and remarks make a world of difference and have surprising effects.

What Austen calls “delicacy” and Cardinal Newman “fastidiousness” mean a keen sense of discrimination between casual language and appropriate diction, saying too much or saying too little, speaking to please others and to take an interest in them or talking to boast of oneself and be the center of attention, using words to bring music to the heart or to sow discord and foment arguments. (Read more.)