Tea at Trianon: Anti-Motherhood Rhetoric

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, March 19, 2026

Anti-Motherhood Rhetoric

From Word on Fire:

When I finally read the much-discussed piece from The Cut “I Regret Having Children,” which shares the experiences of three women, I expected my reaction to be indignation. After all, how can someone look at her children and regret their existence? But as I read their experiences, I realized that they had been profoundly failed by a society that sees child-rearing not as a normal phase of adulthood but as an opt-in only choice. Given that secular (and even some religious) culture understands being a mother as a step in one’s quest for self-fulfillment, it is consistent that these women would view any limitations to their freedom that accompany motherhood as wholly negative. While this broken understanding of human freedom certainly plays a part in their experiences, that’s a conversation for another day.

The three women who shared their stories in The Cut described a sense of shock at how brutally difficult motherhood is. They felt tricked by sunny stereotypes of parenting—only to find a reality of exhaustion, overwhelming mental and emotional demands, loss of identity, and a sense of crippling loneliness. And as the piece notes, they are not alone. Many women think that they were sold a story that motherhood would be magical and fulfilling but end up feeling unprepared for the challenges and lacking the support they need to thrive.

What should be validated in these women’s experiences is that the infant and toddler years can be relentlessly difficult and exhausting. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method for a reason: It decimates your mental health. I remember being three months postpartum with my autistic child, who couldn’t sleep more than forty-five minutes at a time. An older mom who noticed the dark circles under my eyes as she washed her hands next to me in the office bathroom said, “They start sleeping better around six months.” I remember thinking, “If I have to wait three more months for a night of sleep, I’ll never make it.” I fully believed that the sleep deprivation would kill me. Unreasonable? Perhaps. But it seemed very, very real and, honestly, devastating in the moment. (Read more.)