Tea at Trianon: How to Forgive the Most Difficult Person in Your Life

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

How to Forgive the Most Difficult Person in Your Life

From Gina Marinello-Sweeney:

Now, first, I would like to clarify that forgiveness does not mean returning to an abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship. Nor does it, in any way, excuse wrongdoing. Forgiveness may instead bring peace to our own hearts and allow us to view others with greater love, regardless of whether they are in our lives. To rid ourselves of whatever prevents us from a purer, more giving love towards those around us.

For most of us, this is a work in progress. Nevertheless, it answers the profound questions that Pope Benedict suggested above:

Who are we? What path must we take in life?

In this instance, I would like to apply that to two further questions of my own:

How would we like to define ourselves? And how might we, in turn, view others as a result?

Sometimes, when considering an individual who has caused me pain, I like to imagine that person as he or she once was: as a child, filled with innocent joy. Before any coldness took hold. Before bitterness entered the heart. Before wonder was exchanged for cynicism, love for lack of scruples, kindness for cruelty. It helps remind me that, deep inside, there must still remain some of that child—of the potential to seek goodness and beauty once again—and that I should always be charitable, no matter what that person does to me.

This may be applied to those we know personally, and those we have never met who still manage to impact us. It may include those in our lives now, and those, once trusted, but now far removed.

Those who broke our hearts. Those who betrayed us. Those who used us. Those who abandoned us. Those who would never abandon us, but wounded us all the same.

Those who hurt us in any way.

When considering this image of a child, I recommend beginning with a prayer to ask for God’s assistance in the endeavor. Similar to how one might visualize the Mysteries of the Rosary when meditating upon them, you may also wish to return in your mind to a place of peace. Perhaps, like me, your place is near the sea. You might imagine the salt air and the sound of the waves lapping gently (or crashing) against the shore, the Greatest Painter illuminating each with an array of color just before dusk. And certainly, if you have the opportunity to go to a Eucharistic adoration chapel, that is a wonderful place to prayerfully reflect on such.

Once you are in the place that makes you feel at peace—whether literally or figuratively—imagine that child dancing along the shore. The child that the person hurting you once was. And may one day be again.

It may seem unrealistic. Too hard.

It may hurt.

But, if I may say so, it also brings beauty.

During this reflection, we may want to call to mind anything that we like about the person that we are attempting to forgive. Or, at least, any potential for goodness that we see. Such a method may likewise be used to develop a greater love in general, whether forgiveness is the specific goal in mind or not. (Read more.)