Tea at Trianon: A Guide to Noble Manners

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

A Guide to Noble Manners

A guide for princes and princesses. From Etiquipedia:

Every new friendship and every new love starts with a greeting. When we greet a stranger, it is an act of revealing ourselves to one another. We make our presence known, and we agree to recognise each other as individuals in a sea of unknown faces. That first smile and handshake is the key to the first door of intimacy; it is essential to get it right! Humans are social animals with a tendency to create complex orders of precedence based on seniority, competence, class, and gender. Most people are sensitive to the little tell-tale signs that will give away the other’s relative social status. We may call this spontaneous sociology – a quick assessment of the other's posture, clothes and choice of words, or we could call it prejudice – a refusal to see the other as anything more than the sum of our ideas of them.

A proper greeting is an opportunity for both parties to shine through the veil of preconception. As a prince, you should be able to greet and socialise, with anyone. Knowing how to present yourself to the other, by way of a pleasant smile, a firm handshake or the occasional kiss on the cheek, is vital. Learn it well!

• Unless you are physically prevented from doing so, always stand when you greet someone, or risk being called an oaf! An oaf is a derivate of the Old Norse álfr – “elf,” “changeling” or “halfwit”. In short, do not act like an ignorant. Always be on your feet to greet!• It used to be the privilege of the lady, or someone older or higher ranking, to initiate the greeting by extending their hand. Today these rules are somewhat relaxed, but be aware that they still apply in some circles. Especially, NEVER ”attack” someone of a more elevated social standing, or fame, by initiating a greeting. Allow them to make the first move.• Shaking hands is a minute dance, not a wrestling match or the rubbing together of two dead flounders! As in dancing, one has to meet the partner as an equal and with gusto. One does not dance half-heartedly or with brute force. Instead, one should take the offered hand and hold it as an affirmation of the other’s presence. Greetings are preliminaries, not the main event. Shake the hand twice and let go. Clinging to the other’s hand as if it were a lifebuoy appears desperate, and is it not well known that the drowning risk taking their would-be rescuers with them into the deep?• If you exchange business cards with someone, be sure to give and receive them with equal care and attention. Take the card with both hands and hold it during the conversation. A business card represents someone's chosen profession, and you should treat it with respect. Never nonchalantly put it away without looking at it! It can be a good idea to have two different cards to hand out: a professional card to exchange with potential business associates, and a more personal card to give to potential friends.• In these days bowing and curtsying are rare reverences. That is, movements done to show deference to a superior or someone worthy of one’s utmost respect. Young princes and princesses may greet any adult in such a way until their early twenties.
Bowing is not an acrobatic manoeuvre that involves jack-knifing by swinging the hips back and forth! Stand straight and give a quick and deep nod with the head.

Curtsying is done by placing on foot slightly behind the other, then bending both knees to lower oneself a few inches. One should keep the back straight and maintain eye contact, rather than lowering one’s gaze in feigned humility. It is a social event, not an opera performance!

The renaissance dancing master Fabritio Caroso on curtsying: ”You should make the reverence with your left foot for the following reasons. First, your right foot provides strength and stability for the body, and since it is its fortress, you should do this movement with your left foot because it is weaker than your right.” (Read more.)