Tuesday, February 9, 2021

Children of Divorce

 From Priests for Life:

The connection between divorce and abortion can run even deeper for some women and men.  In the recently published book Rivers of Blood/Oceans of Mercy, there is a chapter entitled, Primal Fear – The Impact of Abortion on Adult Children of Divorce.

Here’s an excerpt:

On Saturday morning of a Rachel’s Vineyard Weekend participants share their abortion story. But they are encouraged to share that abortion event in the context of their overall life experiences.

Their stories reveal that some children from divorced families can be overwhelmed by their emotions when facing an unplanned pregnancy, and in the aftermath of the abortion procedure.

Divorce can be such a seismic emotional event for some children, that when faced with an unplanned pregnancy later in life, they may panic and try to establish some sense of control as soon as possible – control they did not have as children.

They may have deep ambivalence about becoming a parent and terrified of losing their partner. While these feelings are common to others facing an unplanned pregnancy, with children of divorce, the level of anxiety and panic can be even more intense.

…The experience of divorce, and the aftermath, can feel like an emotional abortion. A child can have the sense of being violently separated from what was previously thought to be a stable and lifelong family unit. A child who was traumatized by the experience of divorce, and later participates in the death of their unborn child, magnifies an already deep and complex wound.

… In other cases a woman or man may feel pressured to have the abortion, overwhelmed by their emotions, or have no voice or say in the matter. These feelings of anxiety, panic and powerlessness can reenact the emotional devastation of the divorce event.

The abortion experience may connect in a very toxic way with that wounded inner child resulting in depression, anxiety, anger issues, sleep disturbance, increased drug and alcohol use, and acting out this complicated grief leading to problems in intimate relationships.

Abortion healing programs can create a foundation of peace at the heart of this deep and complex wound. As women and men find healthy ways to tell their stories, to process their abortion related pain and grieve their losses, they are reconnected in love with their aborted children.  They have a safe place to share their childhood wounds, and allow their own inner child to have a voice, to be consoled and move toward healing and peace. [More info on the book Rivers of Blood/Oceans of Mercy here.]

Divorce and Abortion Stigma

Dan said he hopes that Life Giving Wounds helps spark more conversations about healing from divorce in the Church, where sometimes there can be a stigma attached to the topic. (I wrote about abortion stigma, in the context of abortion, here.)

Please share this article with others and spread the Good News about the healing work of Life Giving Wounds,  Rachel’s Vineyard and The Silent No More Awareness Campaign.  (Read more.)



Unknown said...

I do not know about this. I agree that divorce has a destructive effect on children. However why should we help murderers? They should be punished for committing such a violent crime. I am not writing I am in any way a competent authority here but why bother helping? I see reason to help mothers and fathers in raising children they would have aborted that is to help the child, and otherwise help the person if the issue is more than an extra mouth to feed. However otherwise it is getting people to rely on others which is greatly damaging.

elena maria vidal said...

Why should we help? Because as Christians it is our duty to help bring help and healing to those who seek it.