Principles of Politeness for the Georgian Gentlemen

From Geri Walton:

Steele was onto something as this came to be the modern parlance for the term beginning in the early 1700s. Thus, based on Steele’s idea of gentlemanly behavior, one eighteenth century writer provided 35 politeness tips for the Georgian gentleman. I have summarized these 35 points in the following list:

1. Honor the dinner table and your guests by carving meat well.
2. Pay attention to your behavior at the dinner table by not spitting, scratching, or blowing your nose.
3. Do not drink healths* as they are out of fashion and no longer the custom.
4. Do not comply with every solicitation of company if it is unwise. For example, drinking more than appropriate even if another person thinks it is appropriate or proper.
5. Be singular, declare your sentiments, and contradict the multitude when necessary. In other words, do not pass your life following the crowd. Do not allow others to control you or behave in ways that are in opposition to your own understanding. An example would be having an inability to refuse a glass of alcohol, drinking to excess, or making a fool of yourself.
6. When playing cards play well and genteelly. Do not laud your triumph over the loser. Also, play for small sums.
7. Write legibly, with proper grammar, and in a pleasing style that is not studied or affected but rather in style of how you would talk to a friend.
8. Spell words correctly because “a woman of a tolerable education would laugh at, and despise her lover, if he wrote to her, and the words were ill-spelled.”[3]
9. Avoid any defect in manner, air, or address that might result in a nickname as that could result in ridicule being fixed upon you.
10. Avoid being a man of pleasure or a rake because temperance and moderation mark a gentleman. “Attend carefully, then, to the line that divides them; and remember, stop rather a yard short, than step an inch beyond it.”[4]
11. Select your amusements wisely and preserve “propriety in every part of [your] conduct; knowing that any imitation of the manners of the mob, will unavoidably stamp [you] with vulgarity.”[5]
12. Keep a secret because if you are tattler you will find yourself in constant scrapes.
13. Pulling out your watch in company unasked, either home or abroad, is the mark of ill-breeding.
14. Never be in a hurry rather be steady, cool, and deliberate because hurrying “is the proof that business we embark in is too great for us.”[6]
15. Have familiarity with people and do not rely on mere formal visits to acquire this Steele was onto something as this came to be the modern parlance for the term beginning in the early 1700s. Thus, based on Steele’s idea of gentlemanly behavior, one eighteenth century writer provided 35 politeness tips for the Georgian gentleman. I have summarized these 35 points in the following list:
    
16. Honor the dinner table and your guests by carving meat well.
17. Pay attention to your behavior at the dinner table by not spitting, scratching, or blowing your nose.
18. Do not drink healths* as they are out of fashion and no longer the custom.
19. Do not comply with every solicitation of company if it is unwise. For example, drinking more than appropriate even if another person thinks it is appropriate or proper.
20. Be singular, declare your sentiments, and contradict the multitude when necessary. In other words, do not pass your life following the crowd. Do not allow others to control you or behave in ways that are in opposition to your own understanding. An example would be having an inability to refuse a glass of alcohol, drinking to excess, or making a fool of yourself.
21. When playing cards play well and genteelly. Do not laud your triumph over the loser. Also, play for small sums.
22. Write legibly, with proper grammar, and in a pleasing style that is not studied or affected but rather in style of how you would talk to a friend.
23. Spell words correctly because “a woman of a tolerable education would laugh at, and despise her lover, if he wrote to her, and the words were ill-spelled.”[3]
24. Avoid any defect in manner, air, or address that might result in a nickname as that could result in ridicule being fixed upon you.
25. Avoid being a man of pleasure or a rake because temperance and moderation mark a gentleman. “Attend carefully, then, to the line that divides them; and remember, stop rather a yard short, than step an inch beyond it.”[4]
26. Select your amusements wisely and preserve “propriety in every part of [your] conduct; knowing that any imitation of the manners of the mob, will unavoidably stamp [you] with vulgarity.”[5]
27. Keep a secret because if you are tattler you will find yourself in constant scrapes.
28. Pulling out your watch in company unasked, either home or abroad, is the mark of ill-breeding.
29. Never be in a hurry rather be steady, cool, and deliberate because hurrying “is the proof that business we embark in is too great for us.”[6]
30. Have familiarity with people and do not rely on mere formal visits to acquire this familiarity, as it true friendship the provides this trait.
31. In acquiring new acquaintances, be careful not to neglect your old friends.
32. Possess graceful manners when conferring favors and accepting favors.
33. Guard against vanity. In other words, avoid being a coxcomb and remember, “A man’s intrinsic merit does not arise from an ennobled alliance, or a reputable acquaintance.”[7]
34. If in the company of an inferior, do not let the person feel his or her inferiority. “This rule is never more necessary than at the table, where there cannot be a greater insult than to help an inferior to a part he dislikes, or a part that may be worse than ordinary, and to take the best yourself.”[8]
35. Never say ill-natured things or be witty at the expense of anyone present. This includes laughing at or ridiculing another as “it will make the person, perhaps, at whose expense you are merry, your enemy forever after; and even those who laugh with you, will, on a little reflection, fear you, and probably despise you.”[9] (Read more.)
36. familiarity, as it true friendship the provides this trait.
37. In acquiring new acquaintances, be careful not to neglect your old friends.
38. Possess graceful manners when conferring favors and accepting favors.
39. Guard against vanity. In other words, avoid being a coxcomb and remember, “A man’s intrinsic merit does not arise from an ennobled alliance, or a reputable acquaintance.”[7]
40. If in the company of an inferior, do not let the person feel his or her inferiority. “This rule is never more necessary than at the table, where there cannot be a greater insult than to help an inferior to a part he dislikes, or a part that may be worse than ordinary, and to take the best yourself.”[8]
41. Never say ill-natured things or be witty at the expense of anyone present. This includes laughing at or ridiculing another as “it will make the person, perhaps, at whose expense you are merry, your enemy forever after; and even those who laugh with you, will, on a little reflection, fear you, and probably despise you.”[9] (Read more.)

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