Tea at Trianon: "Don't"

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, October 15, 2009

"Don't"

Years ago my husband bought me a book about manners, originally published in 1880, called Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct and Speech by Oliver Bell Bunce. It is humorous and entertaining to read, but full of a great deal of common sense about social situations. The following is advice on proper deportment in "the drawing room:"

~ Don't always make yourself the hero of your own stories.

~Don't show a disposition to find fault or depreciate. Indiscriminate praise is nauseating; but, on the other hand, indiscriminate condemnation is irritating....

~Don't be sulky if you imagine yourself neglected. Think only of pleasing; and try to please. You will end by being pleased.

~Don't show repugnance even to a bore. A supreme test of politeness is submission to various social inflictions without a wince.

~Don't fail in proper attention to elderly people. Young persons are often scandalously neglectful of the aged, especially if they are deaf or otherwise afflicted. Nothing shows a better heart, or a nicer sense of true politeness, than kindly attention to those advanced in years.

~Don't wear out your welcome by too long a stay; on the other hand, don't break up the company by a premature departure. A little observation and good sense will enable you to detect the right time to say "Good-night."

Julygirl said...: Keep up your posts on manners! I applaud them. These days one cannont be reminded enough to be mannerly, (which is just another way of showing respect.) I believe, if scientific studies were made, they would prove that acting and speaking in a respectful way to others causes the brain to release neuro-transmitters that help one feel better the same as laughing does.; October 15, 2009 at 9:43:00 AM EDT
Christina said...: Beautiful advice! The art of conversation is a difficult one to learn. I'm still working on striking the balance between talking too much and not enough. I also have to watch my bad tendency to turn a conversation in a group into a tete-a-tete between myself and someone I find particularly interesting. It's always better when everyone is able to contribute.; October 16, 2009 at 11:18:00 AM EDT
Anonymous said...: These are great, and they remind me a lot of Fr Lovasik's _The Hidden Power of Kindness_. Manners is the hallmark of kindness, which is Love in practice. Every Christian should be mindful of them!; October 16, 2009 at 3:03:00 PM EDT
elena maria vidal said...: I agree, they remind me a lot of Fr. Lovasik's book, too!; October 16, 2009 at 3:10:00 PM EDT