Tea at Trianon: "No" Is A Complete Sentence

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Sunday, June 25, 2017

"No" Is A Complete Sentence

From Momeo Magazine:

There is no need for anything else. You don’t owe the asker anything more than that as a response. Just say, “No” and leave it at that! If you must, you can try the more polite version, “No, I’m sorry” or “Unfortunately, I have to say no” or whatever your grandmother taught you was the right way to politely refuse. But nothing more than that is necessary. And definitely nothing that implies you wish you could.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you need to justify your reasons for saying, “No.” As the title says, no is a complete sentence. If you don’t have the time, don’t want to do it, or don’t think it’s a good fit, just say, “No.” You have the right to refuse for no other reason than it’s Thursday. Rambling on and on in an attempt to justify yourself only gives the other person an opportunity to negotiate a “Yes” by finding ways around your objections. If you mean no, just say it and be done with it.

Enforce your boundaries by making it impossible for others to work around them by simply being unavailable. Turn off your cell phone (or even better, don’t give it out to people who you don’t want to have 24/7 access to you), and stop checking email and social media threads during your downtime. That being said, do manage expectations by giving people fair warning so they won’t be disappointed at not reaching you.

And STOP making exceptions to your own rules. If you say you don’t do last-minute projects or rush requests, then don’t do them…EVER. It’s hard for people to learn to respect your rules when you never stick to them yourself. As much as we say these are our boundaries, they are what we make them through action. Even the small things, like answering email or responding to voicemails over the weekend, teaches others our expectations. (Read more.)