Tea at Trianon: How to Draw Out an Extrovert

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

How to Draw Out an Extrovert

From Verily:

Opposites attract, right? While that may be true in magnetics, when it comes to the finer points of friendship, mixing introverts and not-so-introverts can be harder than it looks.

This is especially true for extroverts looking to be there for an introvert friend. If you’re of the extroverted variety, a simple “how was your day?” might launch a 30-minute blow-by-blow of insanity. Your introverted friend, however, may be more inclined to just say, “good.” We may think that they don’t have much to say since we gave them a chance, but really, introverts need to be drawn out by further probing and gentle encouragement.

Your extroverted ways don’t mean you’re incapable of having good introvert friends. Jennifer B. Kahnweiler Ph.D., author of Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference, explains that, contrary to popular belief, “Extroverts can be incredible listeners, because they draw people out by their open-ended questions and paraphrasing. Extroverts are able to develop rapport with others and know how to make people comfortable.”

So really, you’re a natural! But you do need a different strategy than “treat others as you want to be treated.” Introverts require a different script. So if you’re grabbing your favorite introverted friend for drinks tonight and are hoping to get her out of her shell, here are six tips to help you do just that. (Read more.)