Tea at Trianon: Toxic Family Members

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, February 6, 2020

Toxic Family Members

Just because we forgive people does not mean we are bound to be around them if they are evil. From Odyssey:

Removing yourself from a toxic relationship with a family member is hard. There are no instructions to walking away and letting go of a toxic person, but it's a worthy process to pursue your own happiness and fixing the internal damage which emotional abuse inflicts. Having a toxic family member who constantly takes you on an emotional rollercoaster ride on a regular basis leaves you with a range of conflicting feelings like confusion, obligation, pain, guilt, betrayal, anger, and grief. Taking the next step of letting go of family is incredibly hard, guilt-riddling, and takes a tremendous amount of courage. A family member will take advantage of the fact that you are family – a bond that is supposed to be enduring, loving, and respectful – to manipulate and hurt you because they know you will find it very hard to remove yourself because you are family. (Read more.)