Tea at Trianon: Lack of Civility

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lack of Civility

Why are people misbehaving? According to etiquette consultant Carol Bory:

Erosion of Authority Over the past decade or two we have seen a further erosion of respect for authority. This is partly due to the mistrust people feel based on the faltered behavior of some prominent people in the authority. With this lack of trust, people are now more aggressively questioning their decisions.
Strong Focus on Self While concern for self is good, an overly strong concern for self leads to self-centeredness or a strong focus on your needs, your wants, and your desires leaving little room for the awareness and concern of others. When we operate at this mode of self-absorption it is harder to show kindness, consideration or courtesy to others.
Excessive Drive for Achievement In the United States we place a high value on equality. While definitely a cherished value, some people derive their identity through an excessive focus on achievement. ”Doing” becomes more important than “being”. When a person becomes so focused on achieving they sometimes forgo the rules of civility. Add in stress, and there is an opportune environment for rude behavior.

Anonymous said...: This is an interesting post. I met a pastor at an airport recently (we were both waiting for the same delayed flight). I asked him what the most difficult part of his job is. He said that over the last 20 years he's witnessed his level of authority slide downhill. He can no longer speak with authority simply as the pastor the church; the congregation questions everything he says. I don't personally do this to the pastor of my own church, but can see how our society feeds this attitude.; December 17, 2009 at 11:20:00 AM EST
Julygirl said...: Regarding the lack of influence of authority figures; I think it comes more from the public finding out about personal and private failings, ('transgressions',to quote Tiger Woods), that we were not privy to in the past. No one knew about John Kennedy's dalliances, or FDR's mistress. Knowing those things causes the public to lose respect for people they had once put on a pedestal. Personally, I do not believe in the
public's "right to know". I, myself, would rather NOT know.; December 17, 2009 at 3:24:00 PM EST