Tea at Trianon: Getting Acquainted

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Friday, February 15, 2008

Getting Acquainted

Lesson No. 2 of the Ethel Cotton Course in Conversation explores how to cultivate new acquaintances in a party setting. Much of the suggestions remind me of how Carmelite nuns are taught to behave at recreation. Recreation can be a time for practicing little mortifications and self-discipline, by listening to others and talking about topics which may not be of personal interest. Here are a few excerpts:

If you go to a gathering in the right mental attitude, keeping your mind alert to the mood and reactions of each person, you can almost immediately discover the subjects in which people are interested.

First Principle: Use ideas suggested by the occasion. Consider the affair itself, the person who is being honored, the activities of the club whose new home is being dedicated, the unusual decorations or any unique feature associated with the occasion. Then try to find links for association of ideas. Mutual friends, places which several have visited, similar business interests are all good topics.

Usually elderly people enjoy reminiscences while young people like to discuss their plans for the future. Perhaps middle aged people may be classed as old or young in spirit, depending upon whether the past or the future is their greatest interest. Discuss the "old days" or the "marvelous future" and watch the reactions of your friends. In this way you will learn much of their attitude toward life.

Since, however, every gathering does not of itself inspire ideas, you must have something more definite to rely upon.

Keep Your Mind Adaptable

Don't go to any affair with a set plan in mind as to what subjects you will talk about. Be prepared in a general, not in a specific, way. Remember that no rules fit all occasions. Nothing is more deadly to spontaneity than following a set plan at all gatherings. Cultivate the ability to "sense" the moods of the people around you. Try to fit in with the spirit of the affair. If the people you meet are philosophical and serious, don't be flippant -- try to recall ideas of a similar character. If your friends are hilarious, try at least to be jovial and enter into the spirit of gaiety. Remember Kipling's adage, "Don't look too good, or talk to wise." Above all, don't create a negative atmosphere by making obvious, trite, or depressing statements. Encourage others to express their opinions. Make them feel that their viewpoint is worth considering. You please most people when you ask for an opinion. You indirectly compliment your friend when you ask his advice.

If you are well-acquainted with every member of the group, you know their interests. Then you can immediately introduce a subject with which they are familiar and which they will enjoy discussing. If, however, you are not well acquainted with the people present, you must diplomatically find their interests by asking questions or listening to casual remarks....

Refer to any local happening of current interest, and, by the remarks which follow, you will learn who is informed and interested in current events.

~ The Ethel Cotton Course in Conversation, Lesson No.2. Chicago: Conversation Studies, 1949, pp. 1-3