Saint Elizabeth stopping a battle |
King Denis and Queen Elizabeth |
July 4 was the feast of St. Elizabeth, Queen of Portugal, also known as Isabel of Aragon. The Catholic Church offers us many examples of women saints who endured difficult marriages to men who were abusive in numerous ways, including infidelity. There are even saints who were "put away," which means divorced, like St. Helena the Empress, or annulled, like St. Joan of Valois. Some Catholic women, who have found themselves and their children in dire situations, feel that the example of women saints like St. Elizabeth of Portugal and St. Rita of Cascia, who persevered in dysfunctional marriages, have been used to keep women in unhealthy and possibly invalid unions. In the effort to protect the inviolability of the Sacrament of Matrimony, many priests have encouraged women to prayerfully persevere in living with husbands who manifest severe psychological problems. We must recall that each situation is unique and people, especially those who lived long ago, had circumstances both like and totally unlike our own. We can admire and imitate them according to our own state in life. But royals like St. Elizabeth, who lived in the late 13th and early 14th centuries, had variables in their lives that we do not have, although the essentials of our faith and morality do not change.
The following is a life of St. Elizabeth from My Catholic Life:
As a young princess, Elizabeth enjoyed all the privileges of a royal upbringing, yet her stature did not distract her from her faith. She was deeply devout from a young age, spending hours in the castle chapel engaged in prayer. By age eight, she regularly fasted, attended Mass, and prayed the entire Divine Office daily. Unlike other girls her age, she sought virtue and glory for God rather than indulging in frivolous activities. Her humility extended to her royal status, which she saw as a platform for service rather than privilege. She consistently demonstrated a loving concern for the poor, sick, and suffering.
In 1279, Elizabeth’s father arranged her marriage to the seventeen-year-old King Denis of Portugal, who was a notable poet. This strategic union was designed to strengthen the political alliance between Spain and Portugal. In 1282, twelve-year-old Elizabeth wedded King Denis, becoming Queen Elizabeth of Portugal. Despite her husband’s infidelity and immoral lifestyle, Elizabeth showed remarkable grace, treating her husband with love and fulfilling her duties as queen with humility. They had two children: their daughter, Constance, in 1290, and a year later, their son, Afonso, who would succeed his father as King of Portugal.
Queen Elizabeth stood out in the royal court, which was marred by the king’s immoral lifestyle. Her virtuous living served as a rebuke to others. She offered the resulting ridicule she suffered to God with humility and love. As queen, she sustained her prayerful life, attending daily Mass, engaging in penance, and continuing to pray the entire Divine Office. Her deep love for the poor and sick remained steadfast, and she sought daily opportunities to aid them. Elizabeth would personally distribute food and money to those in need at the palace door, and despite the king’s anger at her generosity, she found ways to continue her charitable work secretly. Using her royal position, she also improved others’ lives by constructing monasteries, churches, and hospitals.
The royal family also included the king’s other children, born to women other than the queen. Despite their complicated family dynamic, Elizabeth treated her stepchildren with love. Her son Afonso, however, was not as accepting. He was particularly resentful of the attention his father paid to the children born out of wedlock. Tensions escalated to the point of war, but before a battle could occur, Queen Elizabeth intervened. She rode out to the scene of the battle herself, kneeling between her husband and son, begging for peace. She successfully reconciled the two, earning the title of “Angel of Peace.”
In 1325, upon King Denis’s death, Queen Elizabeth, then fifty-four, retired to a house next to a Poor Clare monastery. She joined the Third Order Franciscans, a lay order begun by Saint Francis. For the next eleven years, she lived in simplicity and poverty, continuing her charitable work and welcoming all who sought her counsel. She once again played the role of peacemaker when her son, now King Alfonso, initiated a war against his own son-in-law. Elizabeth fell ill and died on July 4, 1336, after returning from this intervention. She was not buried next to her husband but in a convent she founded in Coimbra, the Convent of Santa Clara. Years later, her body was found to be incorrupt, and as recently as 1912, medical examiners and Church officials declared that her body remained free of decay, looking as if she were only sleeping. (Read more.)
There are a few points I want to cover. First of all, most of the women saints with difficult spouses were in arranged marriages, some of which began when they were young teenagers,. St. Elizabeth was married when she was 12. Secondly, there was no divorce or separation if you had an abusive spouse, unless you had a family powerful enough to come rescue you. You might retire to a convent if your husband agreed but in that case your children would be taken away and it probably meant you were being annulled.
Thirdly, wealthy women such as queens usually had their own households, sometimes their own palaces. They were not stuck in a tiny ranch house in suburbia with a narcissist or an abusive drunk. St. Elizabeth's husband chased other women and so she probably had spells when she did not see him much.
Fourthly, a few abused women fought back. Katherine of Aragon contested her annulment and was supported by the Pope and her nephew, who was both King of Spain and Holy Roman Emperor. Henry VIII divorced her anyway, took away her only surviving child, and left her to die in a broken down house on the moors.
My point is that
while we can admire the patience of those holy women and imitate their
virtues, we have resources in the law, civil and canon, that they did
not have. Our situations are so different as to be incomparable. We can not know what graces God gives to other people to deal with their moment in history, and the particular trials of their lives. We know that the Sacrament of Matrimony comes with graces, and to see the unraveling of a relationship, one which we thought was holy before God, is a devastating experience, especially if one has prayed and tried to do all the right things.
The main problem is that most of us American Catholics grew up with the utilitarian view of the essentially Calvinist culture we live in. We think that if we are good girls, chaste, go to church regularly, are supportive of our husbands and home school our children, then everything will work out for us. We are erroneously taught to think being faithful Catholic women translates into happy prosperous families. But that view is contrary to the Gospel, which says "...They shall bring you...to magistrates and powers." (Luke 12:11)
The example of St.
Elizabeth and the other abused women saints is that, in spite of being the
best Catholics they could be, their lives were messy, complicated and uncomfortable. They suffered and
their children suffered. They were trapped in marriages that would now
probably be declared null on any number of grounds. But they remained proactive in
their charity, in their works for the Church, and they clung to prayer,
not as an escape, but as a basis for Catholic action. St. Elizabeth was politically involved and made a huge difference in the lives of her
countrymen. She did not just lie down and die because her husband had mistresses. Instead, she
fought for justice with the means available to her. And she forgave the husband who had caused her such anguish. Those are the ways in which we
can imitate her.
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