Tea at Trianon: Amor Towles explains ‘Rules of Politeness’

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Amor Towles explains ‘Rules of Politeness’

From Edify:

George Washington did not invent these (the rules). He learned them, and he wrote them down ambitiously. He wanted to live with them. By the way, Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin did the same thing at the same time as young men. Adam too.

What is useful to remember is that what they did goes all the way back to the age of chivalry, when a knight was expected to be a person of high morals. A knight wouldn’t lie. The knight would overcome fear, especially to protect someone else. They also had to behave well in court. They never showed anger or impatience and never exhibited rude behavior at the table.

In modern times we have separated these two things. We regard the moral life and the life of etiquette as two different things. If you go back in time, that was one thing. If you were a man or woman of honor, you were both moral and polite.

There’s a reason why.

If you think about what the purpose of etiquette is, it is small actions that help you train yourself to control the seven sins. Let’s say you’re at a dinner party. What etiquette teaches you is that before you take that second helping, you would offer it to someone else – and you wouldn’t say anything rude. Those are moral absolutes, right?

Not ignoring the woman next to you is a form of etiquette tied to controlling lust. Not grabbing the second helping is controlling gluttony. Being nice to the servant is controlling arrogance. So etiquette were these rules for table behavior. (Read more.)