The Lost Art of Social Calls

Edwardian Promenade has a fascinating post on social calls. I remember my grandmother telling me about how her mother had an "At Home" day every Wednesday, meaning that on that day the other ladies were welcome to drop by for tea. Everyone used "calling cards." But people do not really visit anymore, not the way they used to, anyway. Everything is business oriented, and quite utilitarian. Some friends and I are trying to change that, by getting together for tea at least once a week.

In the old days calls could be a bit rigorous; they could make or break you. It is a good thing that many such social conventions have fallen by the wayside, although they are fascinating to read about as historical curiosities. As the article says:

If a lady progressed past the stage of leaving cards and was invited to an “At Home,” the pressure had increased. Not only was she on display for the hostess, but most likely, the hostess’s own social circle, which meant she had to please and impress everyone. Furthermore, she had only fifteen minutes in which to do it. When she arrived at the house, she gave her card to her footman, who then handed it in at the door. If the mistress was willing to receive guests, the lady would enter the house and be led to the drawing room, where she would be introduced and promptly seated in the nearest vacant chair to her hostess. The question uppermost in the minds of the hostess and her friends was whether the newcomer make people feel awkward. Things that could create awkwardness included a lack of required family background, a lack of wealth (though a good background made up for poverty), a lack of assurance, lack of an acceptable moral reputation, and most important, the lack of ability to conform to the group’s social demands.

To be truly accepted into the new circle, the lady had to prove that she lacked nothing in all five respects; to fail one prerequisite would mark oneself as a red-flag that the quiet drawing-room could suddenly fall into chaos. However, since her very presence indicated a modicum of acceptance, there as another hurdle to leap over: was her voice pleasant; how did she speak (did she say “father,” rather than the correct “my father”); does she gush; does she wear the right clothing for the occasion; does she flutter and keep gestures to a minimum; and above all, does she carry herself with a poise the proclaims her a potential member of the circle as of right?

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