Tea at Trianon: Remember, Your Teenager Is Not Your 'Project'

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Remember, Your Teenager Is Not Your 'Project'

From Life Hacker:

All parents (or at least all decent parents) want the best for their kids. They want them to succeed in school so they can go on to be successful in life. They want to raise children who will become adults who are honest and full of integrity and have a solid work ethic. And because we know that both nature and nurture play a part in how our kids ultimately “turn out,” we are forever on the lookout for problems at home or at school that we need to address. But sometimes, we get so focused on “fixing” the immediate problem that we lose sight of what our actual role is in the bigger picture of their lives.
A recent advice column in The Washington Post serves as a good reminder of this for all of us. A parent wrote to columnist Meghan Leahy to ask what they should do about their 15-year-old son, who has for years displayed exactly zero interest in doing work for any classes (or teachers) he deems “stupid”—and then lies to his parent about it. This parent has tried everything to address the behavior: therapy, taking away the Xbox, creating rewards systems, staying out of it, getting involved, hovering, crying, screaming—and still their son is failing a couple of his classes.
After Leahy commiserates a bit with the son (she says she too checked out through much of high school), she points out that the parent is focusing too much on the “what” and not nearly enough on the “why.”
Let’s pause all the behavior-modification shenanigans. Let’s pause the fear of all this failing and what it means for his future. Let’s pause shoving him into therapy or tutoring. Let’s. Just. Stop. Repeat after me: “My son is not a project. He is a fully human young man, and he needs my support and love.” Repeat this over and over and over, then start getting curious. Invite him to eat with you, go on a hike with you, learn a video game with you, anything, and try to get to know him without an agenda. Every single class he is failing can be made up. Every single thing he hasn’t learned can eventually be learned, and I want you to tell him that.
(Read more.)