Tea at Trianon: How to Negotiate

John Wilson Croker on Marie-Antoinette

"We have followed the history of Marie Antoinette with the greatest diligence and scrupulosity. We have lived in those times. We have talked with some of her friends and some of her enemies; we have read, certainly not all, but hundreds of the libels written against her; and we have, in short, examined her life with– if we may be allowed to say so of ourselves– something of the accuracy of contemporaries, the diligence of inquirers, and the impartiality of historians, all combined; and we feel it our duty to declare, in as a solemn a manner as literature admits of, our well-matured opinion that every reproach against the morals of the queen was a gross calumny– that she was, as we have said, one of the purest of human beings."

~from History of the Guillotine by John Wilson Croker, 1844

Edmund Burke on Marie-Antoinette

"It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the queen of France, then dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely there never lighted on this orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated sphere she had just begun to move in, glittering like a morning star full of life and splendor and joy. Oh, what a revolution....Little did I dream that I should have lived to see such disasters fall upon her, in a nation of gallant men, in a nation of men of honor and of cavaliers! I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards, to avenge even a look which threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded...."

~Edmund Burke, October 1790

Friday, February 5, 2016

How to Negotiate

From Motto:

Whether you’re fresh out of college and considering job offers, well ensconced in your career and working on high-profile deals, or you’ve opted to stay at home to raise your children and run your household, negotiations are a part of everyday life.

In my role as executive vice president of development and acquisitions for the Trump Organization and founder and CEO of my own lifestyle brand, I’ve had a lot of practice negotiating. I’ve successfully convinced others to let me redevelop the historic Old Post Office Pavilion on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. I also led the acquisition of the iconic 800-acre Doral Resort & Spa from my hospital bed after giving birth to my daughter, Arabella. (Speaking of children, I get to hone my negotiation skills each day at home; no one negotiates more aggressively than a toddler—and I have two!)

Meticulous preparation, an even temperament and a genuine love of the game are all factors I attribute to my success in this arena. If you’re working on your own skills, there are several tips I consider crucial when it comes to sealing the deal and (graciously) getting what you want:

1. Set your goals in advance
Know what you want to achieve prior to starting to negotiate. It’s the golden rule but the one most people fail to heed. Without a plan, you allow the opposing party to define your goals instead of the other way around.

2. Think long-term
When forming your goals, consider that negotiations are the beginning—or the continuation—of a long-term relationship, and there’s nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who feels like they’ve been screwed. Oftentimes, the best negotiations result in a deal that benefits both parties. There are times when you simply want to go for the jugular, but often, you want the other person to feel pleased with the outcome, even if you are the clear victor. Which brings me to my next point…

3. Try to understand the other person’s objectives
The most valuable thing you can do is correctly identify the other person’s top priorities. Often, they’re not at odds with yours; you can give them what they want so they feel like they’ve won, all at little cost to yourself. Yes, negotiating is about money and the bottom line, but a lot of times, it’s much more emotional and complex than that. Realizing that the economic outcome may not be the other party’s top priority gives you more chips to play with and will enable you to achieve better results than you may have anticipated.

4. Over-prepare
The more you know, the stronger your position. Are you asking for a raise? Do your research and know your market value. Having an informed sense of your worth, as dictated by the broader marketplace, will give you greater confidence in requesting increased compensation. It’s tough to dispute someone who can back up her assertions with facts and a smart, articulate argument.

5. Don’t negotiate via email
It’s a cop-out that benefits the weaker party by allowing them to avoid a direct confrontation and take more time to craft a strong response. It’s also easy to misjudge tone, which can be dangerous. I always prefer to speak face-to-face, typically in my own office, where I’m most comfortable.

6. Listen more than you speak
When people are uncomfortable, and many people are when they have to negotiate, they start rambling as a way to fill the vacuum of silence. Some of the strongest negotiators I know just sit back and listen. The less they engage, the more likely the other person is to slip up and offer information they otherwise would have kept guarded. (Read more.)