Before You Correct Your Partner

 From The Candidly:

We spend countless hours a day with the same person. And if we have to see them load the dishwasher KNIVES UP one more time we will spontaneously combust. It almost doesn’t matter that they’re actually loading the dishwasher in a way they feel is right, because so much of our criticism stems from the fact that they’re just not doing it the way we would do it.

And so we pick at them. We correct their driving when they tailgate. We gasp in disgust when we notice they left the back door unlocked overnight even after they told us they checked all the doors before bed. We belittle their insane, hormone-riddled choice of deli meat they present to us after “helping” with grocery shopping.

But. We’re doing it wrong. And so, as with all things relationship-adjacent, we asked The Gottman Institute how to do it right. And they told us that the key to correcting our partners, is to connect with them first: connect before you correct. Isn’t that a great phrase? Easy to remember. Straight-forward. But it’s the execution where things get tough. (Read more.)