Loneliness in America

Brian Caulfield of Fathers for Good has an excellent four part series on loneliness. Part I, Part II, Part III, Final Reflection. To quote:

I don’t mean to sound glib about such a personal issue. But in this third blog on the topic, I think it’s important to keep in mind that all of us go through periods of loneliness due to unavoidable circumstances in our lives. Relatives or friends move away. We are traveling on business. We have an argument and our lunch partner avoids us. We’re so busy at work we have no time to talk. Or, more profoundly, a spouse passes away. Loneliness and grief can be a strong double punch.

These are normal occurrences and should not cause us to feel anxiety over feeling lonely. That would be self-defeating. The real problems come not when we lose a friend, but when we no longer have a friend to lose. Today, it seems, many people are in that situation in our nation, with 25% percent of survey respondents saying that they have no one close with whom they can talk about personal matters.

I think it is fair to say that the high divorce rate has much to do with this fact. When a family breaks up, so do the lines of communication. Spouses no longer talk and may become suspicious of new commitments. Children close in on themselves and grow wary of love and trust. True feelings are suppressed.

With up to half of marriages ending in divorce, and almost everyone being touched by the breakups in some way, a swath of separation has cut through our nation, and the seeming silence about it comes from the fact that we are not supposed to notice broken marriages for fear of offending. Or else we are prone to think that divorce is normal or at least acceptable.

Another cause of loneliness may be our culture’s focus on sexual relationships. How’s your love life? The message is that if you’re not sexually gratified with one or more partners, you are not really living. But there are many other forms of gratifying and satisfying relationships that don’t involve sex or thoughts of sex, even between men and women, even between spouses. With all attention on one area, the wholesomeness of everyday friendships and the joys of simple laughter can be missed.

Then there’s the hyper-sexualization of popular media and the internet, through which anyone can receive a physical thrill in the solitude of his or her living room, and wind up feeling even lonelier by bedtime.

This is not meant to be a self-help or advice column, but the Catholic Church does offer some insights on the issue. After all, as the Second Vatican Council declared, the Church is “an expert in humanity."