Friday, February 16, 2007

Wedding Etiquette

Many people are planning their summer weddings now. I am a bridal consultant on the side and am always getting questions about the "do's and don't's." Here is a link to the Frugal Bride site which has a lot of sensible suggestions.

What is odd to me is that so many people are concerned about the social niceties but have no qualms about living together before marriage. I wish I could convince young couples that cohabitation is not a good idea and can hurt the marital relationship in the long run. Not to mention that cohabitation is sinful, gives scandal, and is not an adequate preparation for entering into the sacrament of matrimony. Parents and members of the older generation, who would never have "lived together" themselves, seem to look upon such arrangements very benignly and often do not speak up for what is right. When we try too hard to keep the peace by silent acquisition to wrong, we end by hurting the people we love. Share

8 comments:

Elisa said...

Thank you for the article on cohabitation. It ought to be titled: "Thinking about cohabitation? Read this first!"

Alan said...

When my wife and I were planning our late June 2006 wedding, we were puzzled as to why standard etiquette said it was inappropriate to list the gift registry information on the wedding invitation. Seeing as how guests do not often know each other, we didn't understand how "word of mouth" was reliable. Furthermore, we always appreciated when that information was provided for us on wedding invitations, because it saved us the trouble of having to contact the bride and groom directly. We polled many people, and they all felt the same way.

So we decided that we would list the gift registry on our own wedding invitations, but we also chose to indicate that the registry was optional so that folks would not feel directly obligated to use it or to provide a gift at all.

What do you think?

elena maria vidal said...

Hi, Alan! This is a question which comes up all the time. The etiquette books say it is a big "no-no" to put the gift registry info in the invitation, but I will tell you that I did the same as you and your wife did. I put a little slip of paper with the registry information into each invitation. I agree with you about the practical reasons for this - it saves endless problems and is really a courtesy to the guests, who are free not to go by the registry. But most people want to give a gift which is really needed and appreciated, and the registry helps with that. Now I do tell people that if they have many guests who are sticklers for etiquette, and who would be offended by a mention of the registry in the invitation, then forgo mentioning and let everyone fend for themselves.

papabear said...

I tried to post a comment earlier but I don't think it even made it to moderation--I have a friend in that situation, cohabitating with a boyfriend in order to advance the relationship. He did propose and they will be married this Summer. Before the proposal she felt like she was doing more for the relationship than he was; I don't know if she still feels the same way... as for her parents, I don't know if they objected or not, but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't--many take cohabitation as a matter of course these days, some even justifying it as a trial period.

elena maria vidal said...

Hi, Papabear. I know. It is so common. All we can do is pray.

wordsmith said...

Yes, Madame, we need to pray for discernment about when is the right moment to speak up.

de Brantigny said...

Dear Elena Maria, My daughter is getting married this summer soon after graduation from Meredith College. She and her fiance of almost two years decided long ago to wait until they were married. She was and is under tremendous pressure to "swipe the V card". How cavalier a statement these girls make.

They have led and lead a virtuous life. She was 22 on Sunday, what a remarkable statement to make.

I wouldn't care if any body came as long as God is there.

de Brantigny

elena maria vidal said...

I am so glad to hear this, Monsieur de Brantigny. If people only knew how beautiful it is to wait....